Misguided Thoughts

An UPDATE and do you know why men don't get mad cow disease because they are pigs.

It just so happens the summer was pretty fast. I didn't see it start or end everyone tells me it was great though. The first week of Summer I was standing beside a bed looking at a complete stranger. She looked frail and discomforted. I prayed for the first time in a very long time and somehow someone high above must have heard my plea. The stranger was not a stranger at all but my weak mother recovering from some major serious surgery. I thought to myself if she pulls through everything will be fine. As grateful as I am that she is alive and well for now I still find myself always thinking its too good to be the truth. I dont know how or why but for some reason its not her time yet and hopefully it will be a second chance for the things she has been missing.
My next big event of the Summer was Route 66 to see my family in New Mexico and stopping by Denver. Never plan anything and expect it to go perfect. It was so awesome in so many ways but now comes the part of picking up the pieces from the wreckless behavior. I recommend to stay out all day discovering a new culture, being so far away from humans its scary, standing on the very edge of a cliff to watch the night lights and sunsets. Maybe even you can find yourself as I did completely breathless and yet so full of life perfectly happy.

I shockingly found myself recently in love with an idea. I can not believe how wrong I was. I am struggling to pick up the pieces ... slowly I am. It hurts to exist sometimes

In big news Lloyd and Jenny have welcomed the sweetest little girl Rori Elizabeth into our lives. I have recently been lucky enough to see first hand what a family is made of. My mind is stir crazy with worries of so many things right now but it has just been one of those weeks. Where everything starts crashing down again. I don't know who better to pick up the piece again than me? I should be used to it by now but somehow it gets harder every time. I have so many issues with so many different relationships in my life right now but I don't know how to not become so isolated. I can pretend all I want that I have a million people who know me and understand me but at the end of the day I am left alone with me. I know the truth weather I like to believe it or not its there.I see that new baby and I think to myself I hope she never knows the sadness or the heartache I have known and then I think logically she will know it all. Hoping for a miracle is silly and irrational but I do. The world is made up of so many things. Once in awhile its the mysterious present of laughter, happiness and sometimes even love that keeps us all hoping to stay alive. Its enough reason to keep pushing forward because there could be a better tomorrow. Nobody talks and Nothing moves The moment is still for me to find you I dream of the day so clearly yet my dreams are lies and still I wait to be mystified.

Oh what a break

SPRING BREAK is finally here. I've accomplished nothing. I do believe I will dirt devil my way around the kitchen a few times but thats about it. On Monday I did finally get my car back from the detail shop so now ... its just sitting in my driveway being LOVELY.

Ah in other news the stress of LIFE is wearing me down. I hate to argue with my Grandma but lately its all we seem to do and its driving me insane. We clash on everything. Nothing is worst than fighting with the ones who love you the most.

Dream me something good please?

Well last night was one of the most bizarre dreams I have ever had. EVER! I do believe it may have something to do with the lack of sleep leading up to my overwhelming feeling of exhaustion which then lead to replaying key parts of the previous night. So for my Friday night fun activity I decided to gather with some friends and we watched Willow. A really interesting movie with creatures that make my skabbits look like fluffy friends.

I find it fascinating how other people can say something that at the time you think is interesting but it can follow you home and you will then reenact it in your sweet trips to slumber land. Lets just say my dream included twins for Angela and I. Keebler elves and some crazy market scenes.

On another note my reality today was not that crazy. I worked for a few hours which was grand because my ol' pal Chad stopped by to see me which always makes me remember how life throws you amazing people sometimes to help you cope with the rest of the chaos. I love all of my friends for everything they bring into my life. I wouldn't be anywhere without them.

The APRIL fool

Bring fourth the confusion once again because I believe I have lost my head...

I do not understand where my communication skills are really lacking but somehow I have ended up becoming the fool once again.

For just a small second I was so excited and thrilled because I was going to spend Saturday night with a devilishly handsome guy who seemed to be on the same page I was. Sadly... to my surprise I was in a whole different book??? My reading skills are lacking a bit.

I can not believe that for one this guy not only told me how he intends to date my friend but also he made me feel so stupid. If he had made it clear in the first place where we stood it wouldn't have been an issue instead after preaching about how amazing I am and how we should definitely go out sometime he follows it by unless something better comes along??

lol wtf?

Perhaps I will be more wise in the future but judging from my track record lately I'm bound to stay this foolish.

When its more than ok its OKIE DOKIE!

My family has been visiting alot lately and thats more than okay!!! I am so excited because I have a new sidekick to teach all my tricks to. Zane's daughter Ariana is soon to be just 3 years old and the cutest little thing I've ever seen. She calls the bank to get more money ,Pizza and chinese food. Grandma also got her Employee of the year award today!! Cheers for that!

Cluttered thoughts.

Wow what crazy days I've had lately. I do feel a bit accomplished though because holy shamrocks I worked at the market and I have now sold over 100 dollars worth of Shamrocks for Jerrys MDA Foundation. I feel like time is slowly gaining and pretty soon I will be 92 and still have nothing else but shamrocks to show for it.

I'm glad to report though that the weather is looking up once in awhile. It was 44 degrees on our car temp and we had lots of rain instead of snow!!

I am curious what will happen with my Chorus because our fantastic Director just got a new job which ment she had to move up north some place. Tuesday was extremely difficult and I belive that she will find nothing but good things along her new adventures. She was an amazing director and I've learned so much as well as found a friend.